Relating Successfully to Preteens

Knowing as much as possible about your preteen students can be a big help in improving your teaching effectiveness. First of all,  it's important that you know the physical, mental, social, emotional, and spiritual characteristics of the age group with which you work. Knowing these facts—why kids act the way they do—can affect how, why, and what you teach. Meet with your coworkers to study these age-level characteristics.

Then accept kids where they are. Accept them because of who they are, and respect them! There's no room for "favorites" if you want to reach all the kids in your group. Every preteen has something special about himself and something unique to offer. Find out what it is, and get busy helping that young person feel special and wanted.

Challenge your students to participate. Use them as helpers and leaders. All-Stars for Jesus Bible Clubs are expressional training programs designed to involve kids and let them learn by doing. So don't always do things for them. You as the teacher should always be available and ready to help, if needed, but you should sometimes be in the background. Instead of finding the answer for them, show them where they can find it for themselves.

When your students get restless, you as the leader always need to ask "why?" Usually it's because (1) the activity is too long for the attention span of the group or (2) the activity itself is boring. If this is the case, it's your responsibility as the teacher to correct the situation. Change the activity and always have a variety of activities up your sleeve in case one doesn't work out or is over faster than you anticipated. Again, be prepared. Your preteens will seldom grow bored or restless if there's a fast-moving, variety-filled program or lesson in which they are actively involved.

Give your preteens plenty of responsibility—not just by participating in programs, but in maintaining the appearance of the room, distributing and collecting materials, and in general, being a contributing member of the group. Provide your preteens with plenty of meaningful tasks, even if it would easier to do them yourself. Always thank your students and show your appreciation.

Youngsters, even preteens, are looking for role models. You have a unique opportunity and responsibility as a preteen Bible teacher to be the kind of positive, Christian example they need!

Tips for Leading Discussions with Children

As an adult Sunday school teacher, Bible club leader, or helper, you have a very important role in making any discussion (and any lesson) a success. In any group discussion, you will have a variety of students. Some may be loud or talkative, others will be quiet; some children may be highly intelligent but wiggly and disruptive, others may have learning difficulties. Your job is to involve all of them in the discussion. Although some may be Christians and some may not be, everyone’s contribution must be acknowledged and appreciated.

One way to do this is to use the words “we” frequently in your discussion. After all, it is “we” who are talking in the discussion. Also, use the children’s names frequently; everybody likes to hear his or her name.

As the leader, keep your speeches short. Don’t make the mistake of launching into a sermon in the middle of a good discussion; there is no quicker way to kill group interaction.

Try to be impartial and listen to everyone’s point of view. That doesn’t mean you must condone or accept a position that goes against the Bible. After the speaker has finished, you could say, “Thank you, [Brad], for your thoughts, but that is not what God says in His Word. The Bible says…”

With little or no guidance or direction in a discussion, students will sometimes pool their ignorance. Don’t let that continue for long. Interject some relevant information that will help to focus the discussion. It is also important not to take sides until you sense that the group has reached the point where a conclusion needs to be drawn or an application made.

If difficult questions arise, don’t panic. Assure your group you will check and get the answer for them by your next meeting. Or, have a member do the research, either during the discussion (if research tools are available) or by the next meeting. Don’t be afraid to admit you don’t know an answer. Students will recognize a bluff or vague answer, but they will respect you more if you are honest in admitting you don’t know.

The same approach can be used if a question comes up that has no bearing on the discussion. Simply say, “That’s a good question, [Angela]. Let’s talk about it after the lesson. Right now, let’s continue talking about…” then get right back to the subject of your discussion.

If you are well prepared before your meeting begins, if you ask God for His guidance, if you are interested in the subject, and if you treat the students in the discussion with respect and consideration, you should be able to handle most any situation that might arise out of the discussion.

Roller Coaster Emotions

by Sharyn Spradlin and Cyndie Steenis

Working with preteens can be a roller coaster ride of emotions.

One minute you’re engaged in a great discussion focusing on faith. You’re impressed with kids’ spiritual and intellectual growth. Then out of nowhere one of your preteens falls apart when he feels everyone looking at him. The emotional outburst escalates until he runs out of the room screaming that no one likes him. Only minutes ago impressed, you’re suddenly depressed by the emotional state of your preteens.

Preteens’ intellects and emotions are developing on two different timetables, with the emotions falling behind. The emotional life of preteens is at the core of their beings. They’re focused on their own feelings, ideas, and behavior. They also believe that these feelings, thoughts, and actions are on the minds of everyone else, so they often feel as though there’s an audience always watching, judging, accepting, or rejecting them.

If a preteen’s words or actions seem aimed at you, your first response may be to take it personally, perhaps with tears and anger. Don’t!

Don’t personalize the outburst. Remember—these tantrums are a part of the normal pushing away and pulling close that every preteen works through as he or she moves toward independence.

“Nobody Likes Me!”—Affirm preteens’ feelings. Don’t dismiss their emotions or deny their sense of reality. Let them vent and explain why they feel disliked. Empathize with what they believe to be true, and help them talk through their feelings. You may even share how you felt as a preteen—not how everything worked out. Offering solutions is not the goal here.

Once you’ve identified the traumatic event that caused the preteen’s world to crumble, stay calm and offer encouragement. Look for the positives that’ll help him or her regain balance and control.

“I Don’t Like Myself.”—Plagued by unachievable standards of perfection, beauty, and popularity, preteens have been set up for failure. Their self-esteem and emotional cores are under attack, so take their words seriously.

Ask questions about how they feel, and watch for feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. Encourage them with everything you know to be positive about them.

“Just Go Away.”—This is a Jekyll/Hyde statement. What this preteen is really saying is: “Please stay and get to know who I am, what my interests are, what my likes and dislikes are, the names of my friends, and who I hang out with. Please stay and communicate with me, not at me. Please, someone help me put words to the feelings I have.”

The preteen years are often turbulent. They demand more than a few fun activities or free time with friends. In a sense, preteens are on that roller coaster ride emotionally. They need your willingness to strap in next to them—so they can be confident you care and that you’ll be there when they need you. They want to know you’ll be sitting right next to them, buckled in and holding tight, when they open up to you. They want to know that when the ride is fast and unpredictable, you’ll see the difference between needing to be heard and needing advice. They need to know that even around those tight curves, you’ll be listening, and actually hearing what they say.

Sharyn Spradlin and Cyndie Steenis co-founded New Re-sors-es, a Seattle, Washington, consulting and training company.

© 2003 Children's Ministry Magazine. Used by permission.